One Old Foot In the Grave

     The time eventually comes when we think about dying. I've been thinking about it since I turned 50, because my mother died at the age of 54 and I thought I might, too, because I have hypertension just like she did.


     Thankfully, I didn't die.

     Then my older sister, Vi, died at age 61 of cancer. So I had anxious years leading up to 61. I didn't die then, either. Thankfully.


     Then my brother died at age 69 of cancer, and my oldest sister, Velm, died at 83 of heart failure. 


     I made it past 69 and really am not obsessed with this anymore since my uncle is now 101.


     But I do know it is going to happen someday; no one gets out of it. Then our financial advisor suggested we think about making advance "arrangements" for a funeral and disposal of the body. So it has been a topic of discussion that Rocky is now willing to participate in due to his own ill health.


     He has decided he wants his body to go to a medical school. We know East TN State University does this because two of our storytelling friends decided to go this route. It is our understanding that once the body is used, then it is cremated and the ashes are returned to the next of kin.


     I don't want to do that. For a long time, I thought I wanted to be cremated, but the longer I sat with that decision the more uncomfortable I am feeling about it. Another alternative was to buried in the cemetery nearby where our group does its storytelling. That felt ghostly to me and once the amusement wore off, I didn't feel comfortable there either.


     Then it struck me. What I really wanted was to go "home." I've already joked that now when I go home, I immediately go to the cemetery because, since I'm the youngest in my biological family, that's where my parents and siblings are.


     So I telephoned the cemetery in Indiana where my family has a large plot Unfortunately, it's all used up. There was one plot open on the edge which I did not want. However, one of my sisters and husband, are buried in another newer area, so I am buying a plot near them. 


     I've sat with this decision now for over a week and it feels very comfortable. I don't like the idea of being "stuffed" in pretty clothes and warehoused underground, but being "at home" feels pretty o.k.


The Old Crone